My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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