So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
