Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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