you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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