If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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