you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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