she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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