my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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