It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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