if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
