i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
