pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize