she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
