She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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