why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
