Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
