You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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