the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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