what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
