I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
