i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
