I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
