he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
