i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
