I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can I color on your dick again?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
40s are totally the cure
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
