Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize