I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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