My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
