i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
