She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
