I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
