he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
