some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
