then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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