it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
