and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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