Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
