I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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