why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
