9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
