did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
