I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The beer is more important than you right now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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