So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
