Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
