I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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