Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
