hotel room ftw
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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