We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
