I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
