Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That accounts for only three of the penises
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize