She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
