No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
