it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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