Apparently you make a good broom.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ugly people sure do ruin things
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
