At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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