Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize