I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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