I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
