...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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