The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
