I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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