two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
