You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
